


Fade to Black

by JestaAriadne (still_intrepid)



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Aging, Gen, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-30
Updated: 2009-10-30
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:23:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_intrepid/pseuds/JestaAriadne
Summary: Gus tries to face up to one particular reality of his growing old.





	Fade to Black

And someday soon, I shall have to tell Jellylorum.

It is not easy, this.  Piece by piece, one’s body slows or shakes, juddering to a halt.  I haven’t been able to hunt, for instance, in a long while now. Not that one _needs_ to, nowadays, but there is such a thing as pride. Ah yes.  Pride.

And now this.

  _Jellylorum, I am afraid I am losing my sight_.

Something that Old Ecclesiastes –- Deuteronomy’s predecessor, and I am perhaps the only one still alive who knew him –- once said has been coming back to me recently.  When the Everlasting works his Great Work of healing in us, sometimes he needs to kick our crutches away before we’ll believe in the recovery and use our own legs. That was obviously a human metaphor, but I understand it well enough.  As a young one, yes I gloried in my health and strength.  On stage I was vivid and vital and _worshipped_ ; nothing could stop me.  Without that… who are you without that crutch, old Asparagus, eh?  Be brave and you’ll find out.

But, oh, this theodicy is precious little comfort when I strain my eyes in the dark to no avail; when I blink and blink to clear the shadows and nothing changes…

And someday soon I shall have to tell Jellylorum.

Maybe she already guesses.  I don’t know.  Pride again, see?  This seems the hardest thing I shall ever do.

…Sometimes, he kicks away the crutches, and sends you mountain-climbing…

 _Jellylorum, I am afraid_.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written in 2009 and posted to ao3 for safekeeping in 2018.


End file.
